AllAuthor's Moment With
Jan Ezelle, Children's Author of
"Legend of the Dewberry Harvester"
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Q: AllAuthor: What or who helped you overcome your fears and obstacles living with slight speech impairment?
Jan: I can recall that while my sister and I were kids, we had gone to visit one of our cousins to play in her backyard. Another little one came over to join us, and as soon as she heard my voice, "Why do you talk like that?" she asked, wide-eyed.
"Because I'm from another country!" I blurted, hands on my hips. (laugh)
She must've been amazed at that, because we immediately clicked together, and had the best time. (smile)
Not only had my impaired speech been that obvious to kids, but the hearing-aid sitting on my ear made them want to question me as well. Hearing-aids were rare amongst the kids I grew up with. Although I realized as I got older, kids were just being kids, and it was in their nature to be curious. Still, those days stuck with me, and fostered a self-consciousness that often caused me to withdraw and refrain from mingling in groups or engaging in conversations.
Not the best position for a writer to be in, is it?
I've learned to simply 'warn' others that I have speech impairment, just so that when i open my mouth it won't surprise anyone! (laugh)
Honestly, my speech has drastically improved, so I've been told. However, there are still some word pronunciations that I have trouble with today.
Later in life, came the Usher Syndrome, which produces hearing-loss combined with a degenerative eye-disease, resulting in blindness, called Retinitis Pigmentosa.
While I've had my moments dealing with the eye disease, I often go back, remembering what God revealed...
(Excerpt taken from janslegend.com/newsletter)
Being faced with progressively failing eyesight, I have indeed weathered many storms, some that even produced near crippling self-doubt and depression at times.
Oh sure, I've had my 'why me' moments.
However, my insistence to maintain independence and succeed in life has remained greater than frustration with circumstances beyond my control. I'm often reminded of what Paul (who also dealt with a 'thorn in the flesh') said about his weaknesses being made strong.
No one knows for certain what Paul's 'thorn' was. Such limitation could've been an inner discomfort—perhaps a nuisance (that, I know!) that prevented him from performing as graciously as humanly possible. His affliction could've derived from malaria or epilepsy, among other physical ailments, due to the shipwreck, stonings and beatings that he'd encountered. Who knows, maybe his affliction simply derived from the devil himself. I was surprised when someone even suggested he experienced the disease of the eyes himself (as it's known that God removed the scales). Whatever the case, I'm sure it must have been a hindrance to his work and ministry.
Just as Paul often prayed for God to remove his annoying affliction, so have I. When I've dwelt on my frustrations, I've also wondered where my blindness (and hearing loss) stem from. But, I'm often reminded of the biblical scene in John 9:1-3 when Jesus' disciples asked Him about a blind man: “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?” I couldn't help but smile when, “Jesus answered, 'It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him'.”
I'm amazed too at what God revealed to Moses, who had insecurity with his speech. “Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent... for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” The LORD said to him, 'Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?” (Exodus 4:10,11)
(I've had to grasp then Who God is. He's certainly the One Who has the say so!)
Thus, I can't help but question myself. Has this become my purpose? Could my limitations be a gift, my weakness transformed in a way that I can display God's glory? If so, then it has not only affirmed God's strength within me, but has helped me move forward (my eyes looking up!)
This revelation has thus helped me toward a couple of speaking engagements.
Q: AllAuthor: When writing the main character of your book, "Legend of the Dewberry Harvester", how much of yourself did you put into Brewnie?
Jan: It was through the course, I learned how to 'pen' my fears and obstacles upon a little critter named Brewnie. He had to overcome fears and obstacles during his adventure, whereas I’ve dealt with much the same, living with the conditions mentioned above. So, just as Brewnie stepped out of his mound to face his fears and obstacles, I’m stepping out to overcome my fears by trying to accomplish something I’ve never done before.
However, through my newsletter, I share how I've learned to deal with my limitations by shedding my fears through writing, and hope it will be an inspiration for others who are experiencing some sort of limitations themselves...
(Excerpt taken from janslegend.com/newsletter)
Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not implying that I (nor anyone else) accept such a handicap. Because God does heal (for, I have seen that miracle through my own mother: More); and so, while I await for His miraculous to take place in my life...
It was lain upon my heart, Pass your weakness onto someone else. Make your situation useful. Take God's glory within you and pass it onto someone who's in need of it. And as you can see, that's exactly what I've done through the project, “Legend of the Dewberry Harvester.”
Do you have a weakness that you can pass onto someone else? One to help that someone to face tomorrow? I actually believe 'everyone' is a gift from God. We just need to find out what that special gift is.
But there's an even greater Gift from God–His Son, Jesus Christ, given to the world. I'm aware that someone reading this may have his own spiritual beliefs, and I respect that. I'm just simply sharing what God's love has done for me—and can do for anyone, who wants to receive Him.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. —John 3:16
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. —Romans 6:23
If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. —Romans 10:9
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God —Ephesians 2:8
Listen, if you're one who's facing physical (mental or spiritual) battle of some sort, and able, may I encourage you to make it 'useful' somehow? Do you have a weakness—gift—that can be perfected within you by passing it onto someone else? Simply magnify God's glory, and watch what He can do with it (while you wait for His healing). See your struggles as an opportunity to learn from God—the One Who loves you.
The answer for me is: While all that happens in our lives isn't always pleasant (because of sin's dominion ever since the Garden of Eden), God not only can turn things around, but also use bad things to fulfill His greater plan. He is delighted, not when we suffer, but when we seek the pathway that effectively strengthens our faith, allowing Him to display His power over our weaknesses, rather fulfill the purpose at the very core for our existence—joyfully living as His creation.
And you know what? I'm really not a fan of bugs. (laugh)
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